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To Brush My Damn Teeth

I jumped out of bed, scrambling to help my partner set up for a business call. It’s at an unusually early hour due to the time change of this client’s location. I look at my phone to see 37 new text messages on the family group chat. “What the hell, is it a holiday or something?” I hurry to catch up and contribute to the conversation. Damn, did my class start 15 minutes ago? Ay yi yi. I’m all thrown off, I accidentally stayed up late writing...again. Feeling behind, I jump from project to project, pushing myself to keep up. Next thing I know, it’s 4pm, I’m in my underwear, and haven’t even brushed my damn teeth. Realizing my hunger, I leave my room for the first time that day, and am immediately greeted by the smiling face of my daughter. “Are you busy right now Mom?” My immediate emotional response (ego) screamed inside my head, “I haven’t even brushed my damn teeth!” I take a breath, and notice outside there’s a sunset. A lone bird soars across the sky. My daughter’s energy is excited. I remove attention from my ego and place it on her. She leads me to an open space, instructs me to my knees, and places my hand on her back. “This is kinda scary, but I think I can do it,” she tells me she’s been training herself in gymnastics. With some encouragement, my daughter jumps, launches herself backwards, and completes a back handspring. She’s so proud of herself, she’s speaking a million miles an hour. She describes that moment as ‘therapeutic’ due to always desiring to do back handsprings, but not able to due to past health issues. She had at one time been wheelchair bound. What a meaningful moment I had the honor to be a part of! Had I not been present in the moment, I would have missed out. To think I could have missed a therapeutic first ever moment with the one I love most, to engage in a daily routine - to brush my damn teeth.   The three core values of nursing I align with most are education, advocacy, and leadership. I choose to approach this situation by educating myself to best advocate for and represent myself as a positive example within the field of nursing. I have been transparent with my daughter and turned it into a life lesson, analyzing policies and preparing my defense on this same couch, “In the event you find yourself in trouble with authority, this is how you handle it.” It’s not expected of us to be perfect, but the expectation is to keep trying and keep fighting. I have been learning, and then implementing different forms of psychotherapy on myself under the influence of psilocybin, LSD, or MDMA. It has been an eye opening and life changing experience. It pains the ego my community of the last ten years cannot see. Regardless, I feel a paradigm shift as I find support within the psychedelic community. It appears at this time, the inpatient psychiatric community and I are no longer contributing to each other’s growth, and we must part ways. I am optimistic for what my future holds within the fields of holistic health and entrepreneurship. I feel humbled at the opportunity to walk beside others, holding space for their needs on the conscious altering journey to find peace.       

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